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#LONELY AT THE TOP

By June 28, 2016Uncategorized

Is there any leader out there who can identify with that cold feeling, especially when the chips are down, reality is , that you’re alone. Sometimes folks are standing by, yet you feel so alone. Its a weird feeling but its real. You can be loved, respected, successful, and appreciated, but still feel like you’re swinging the sword alone. I have e worked with many big men, entrepreneurs, corporate and church leaders etc, and I see this scenario play out many times, no one to trust with your deepest fears, thoughts and worries, its sometimes cold, sad and lonely at the top.

As great as #Albert Einstein was, he came to a point when he reiterated, It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely. . Those moments can be really depressing if not managed properly.

So I ask, Is this the scourge of all true leaders? Is it a Leadership condition? Is there a permanent cure, drug or treatment for this? Well, #Dan #Rockwell, the #Leadership #Freak, seems to believe that , there is no permanent cure for leadership #loneliness only regular treatments; Its normal to feel alone. Its the pattern that weakens your knees and crushes your spirit. So What do you think?

According to Dan (and I am going to peeling a lot from him), 10 reasons Leaders feel alone are (not all points may apply to you, perhaps one or more):

-Work consumes all of life. Everything is about getting something done.
-You care and help in self-destructive ways. Lonely leaders need dependent followers.
-You are hiding inner pain. Secrets make you lonely. Fear of rejection keeps you crouching behind the bushes.
-Listening and judging are the same thing.
-Drink, food, or tobacco are an escape.
-Control is your middle name.
-You unintentionally intimidate others.
-You always know more than others.
-Your public self has strangled your private self.
-You can’t be alone.

He does further to state 4 ways to deal with Leadership Loneliness:
#1. Feeling alone is about you. Expecting others to solve our loneliness only makes us feel more alone. Others help, but cant solve loneliness.

#2. Deal with feeling alone by getting alone. When you feel alone in crowd, its time to get alone with yourself. Isolation, as a pattern, limits leaders. Solitude, as a practice, strengthens.

#3. Practice forward-facing vulnerability with an inner circle of trusted friends. (Even though others cant solve leadership loneliness, develop a small group of friends you trust and respect) . Vitality feeds on long-term authentic connection.

#4. Live like the world will go on without you. Yes, youre filling an important role. You’ll be missed when you step away; But the sun will still rise when you’re gone.

What are Some Causes of Leadership Loneliness?
Not trusting your followers. Fear. Assertive tendencies. Little Knowledge. Ignorance. Poor people management skills.  Deep troubles. Isolated remote offices, closed doors, introverted personality, some people do not mix well and prefer isolation. Lacking necessary skill set

Note that being alone is different from being lonely. Its possible to be alone without being lonely, also possible to be lonely without being alone. Learning to be alone is part of the answer to loneliness.

Are you feeling like a one-man army or lone ranger?
If you are feeling so, then you’re not (currently) a leader. You might be about to be a leader, pending when everyone realizes that you’re what they’re looking for, but until that happens, you’re not yet a leader. Leaders have followers, do you?.  Trust is mutually required. Distrust is lonely; Trust connects.

Some leaders strive for perfection, but end up controlling. A true leader learns to trust and relinquish control without entertaining fear of something going wrong. Once they do, they learn it can work in their favour, creating a sense of empowerment and trust. Learning also happens when people realize their errors, and they come out stronger, if you’ll let them; trust your people/team with something you typically do yourself. Everyone needs to keep learning, whether as follower or leader.

Dear Leader, please save yourself by sharing the load, delegate to associates, delegate to under-studies/followers, be a team player. Change the way you lead, spice things up, get a buy-in from the team, take a break sometimes, step back to make a refreshed comeback. Read. Teach. Get interested in your #teams personal lives beyond the job or team activity. Love them, show it. Love God, he gives real joy, peace and leadership like none other.

Love you dear Leader.

Beryl Ehondor
#Monteeclairs_leadership

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