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SHIT HAPPENS

By November 16, 2015Uncategorized

It happened again.  This time for real and outside my house…

…I couldn’t flush the toilet.

Okay I’m laughing here but it’s a serious matter.  We need to talk about toilets. Many people especially some adults need to be toilet trained, re-trained and prosecuted when they default any toilet laws. I Imagine this law will be sponsored by the ministry of public health , toilet affairs unit maybe…lol.

For me this is important because I’ve had strange,  painful experiences, heard bizarre stories about toilets. I think its wicked for any adult to walk away from a dirty toilet and do nothing to tidy it.  Whatever your country,  there are toilet issues, so feel free to share.

I once heard of a girl who used to stand on the toilet seats, then one day it broke and her buttocks was stitched in more than 20 points. Let’s not mention those toilets where maggots are having a rendezvous , even dancing shoki….#puke loading . Google images of pit toilets

Toilet washing was or still is the worst punishment to students in many public schools, because they know how unsightly and nose provoking it is. I can’t remember ever taking a shit in primary and secondary school cos of the horrible sights. … yes I went to public (primary & junior secondary schools) until senior secondary. I’d just urinate without contact ‘ somewhere’ and save the poo for my home toilet.

If you can’t eat, read a book, hide or sleep off in your toilet conveniently, then it’s  probably going to fail the toilet affairs unit inspection. Not the type that +harpic does with Chioma Chukwura o. I mean real toilets that amala, beans, akpu, African salad & gbegiri eating persons have visited,  plus some oyibo mende-mende mix in the rumbling stomach, probably also followed by Andrews liver salt or a shot of agbo jedi jedi…hehehe

This toilet matter is critical and important to every sane human. From toilets, I’ve  picked up infections, seen unspeakable things, heard more stomach churning stories especially in multi – tenanted properties & Public places.

I became so scared of toilet infections after the candidiasis/thrush bout,  that i started holding back poo for days until I reached my house. Only God knows how I survived NYSC (3 weeks) orientation camp in abia, sometimes skipping meals to keep a free stomach.

Okay, let’s fast forward to a list of toilet wahala. When I say public,  I mean anywhere that’s not your home.

Shit situations
1. When you use a public toilet and the shit refuses to flush once , and then someone else is already knocking waiting to use the place.

2. When you enter a toilet and find someone forgot or refused to flush (and there’s water still in the closet)

3. When you’re outside the toilet ‘dancing’ out of pressure,  only to discover minutes later that the toilet was actually unoccupied

4. When you’re really pressed, the toilet is locked and then you have to virtually beg someone for the key

5. When you’re out for an event or in the market or a bus or public place with no where to poop or shit

6. When you are done with your shit and the water stops flowing, so you can’t flush…

7. After doing your shit you suddenly discover there’s no water or tissue to clean

8. Toilet graffiti done with chalk, pen or even shit…

These things and more are common instances in general or public toilet, what’s your shit experience? The annoying ones. A quick solution suggestion is also welcome, because till now,  Shit Happens!

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